Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Turn and Face the Strange

So… yeah.

I got in.

This is another moment, in a week of other big moments.

I also had surgery this week. I don’t want to talk about why. Suffice it to say. my body will be changing. No, I’m cis-gender and I’m staying that way. I just decided to handle a physical ailment that’s been plaguing me since I was a kid.

That physical change, is leading to more choices on how to get healthier. All that is good. I can be physical again — ya know bike ride, hike, take some sort of physical training classes.

Then now I got into grad school. I’m not complaining about this either. This is also good. It’s something I thought about since I went back to school 20 years ago, and then off and on since I graduated in 2011. I wasn’t sure with my academic history if I’d get in, then there was the matter of money. My student loans are insane… Then I ended working for a college and now its free.

I can afford free.

Right now my A.D.H.D. is screaming . What do I focus on? The surgery, recovery from surgery, post surgery, grad school, classes, a thesis, books, the future…

Holy shit… I have a future.

With the abusive nature of my first ex, then calamity after calamity, surviving one economic disaster after another. Then going through jobs like CBS where I was basically Guantanamo Bay’d, and then the Daily Mail.

Just a note, if you ever wondered what the Daily Mail’s office is like, watch Severance. I might have said that before, but it’s still accurate.

Then finally ending up in the saddest advertising company in the world. To FTI, where I was basically human chattel… ok human chattel that was smart enough to put their bland webpages together, but not smart enough to do much else.

All of that, all of it just demolished my psyche. I was scared if I ran into my shadow if I left the apartment, and I was angry about that. I was angry that I was just so reduced.

Now, it’s just forward and I really don’t know how to handle it.

But I know I will.