So I did finally get my hands on my Vyvanse prescription. It’s been shocking, absolutely shocking on how effective it is.
I don’t know how other ADHD people describe it. I don’t socialize, nor bond, especially with other crazies — but I think the best way to describe it is it tunes the static out. Like a radio that’s tuned into a station. The FM stereo light is blinking a lot, but I’m able to hear the music.
So I’ve been taking advantage of the upgraded brain. I haven’t been journaling or blogging as much as I should have. However, I am happy to report I’ve been able to read more and I’m actually outlining.
Outlining is one of those things I learned you should do in screenwriting school. It’s something I bucked against, until I learned the hard way on how useful it is. Despite that however, my ADHD brain often bristles against it.
My ADHD demands instant satisfaction. So I often try to get something down for an outline then brute force the first draft. The problem is, by trying to bash my way through an outline, there’s no time to develop ideas. So my first draft ends up being this half-baked piece of shit, that takes TONS of successive drafts to fix… if it ever does.
So when I decided to revisit the novel that I was working on in my 20s, I decided to skip an outline. I don’t know why, I just thought it was a good idea. Of course after typing out 100 pages on my typewriter, I figured out it wasn’t.
So I decided to go back, keep the parts I like and outline.
Here’s the thing though, when I started to outline again that’s when I started taking the Vyvanse. Developing the story, digging deep into a chapter, pulling back out, seeing what’s missing, trying to figure out where they fit, rearranging, editing, trying again — it’s so much better now. It’s enjoyable. It’s never been enjoyable. Usually, it felt like its something I should be doing, but it wasn’t something I liked doing.
It’s so amazing that this tiny little pill, filled with pennies worth of chemicals could just change everything for me. I swear, if I have to run to Canada just so I can feel like a normal person, and write like a writer. I damn well will.